Yes Also Means No {a truth my husband speaks}

Here’s the thing about learning yes. You must also learn no. For saying yes to something inevitably means saying no to something else. Yes to a truth, no to a lie. Yes to God’s will, no to self-fulfilled dreams. Yes to intentional living, no to busyness and a rigid calendar. Yes to your children, no to selfish intentions. Yes to healthier eating, no to cheap groceries.

In everything, there is a choice, a deciding between what you desire {or need}, and what you’re willing to do without in order to have the time, money, energy or attention to weave what you said yes to into your life. And sometimes the choice is between two values, two things that are good, two things you love. Like yes to green smoothies, no to chocolate…who am I kidding…I never say no to chocolate. More like yes to greater ministry, no to time with friends. Yes to exercise, no to 8 hours of sleep. Yes to morning worship, no to starting our day on task.

We are constantly faced with these little and big decisions; they get funneled through our value system,  and so often we make the choices without even realizing it. The first revelation I’ve had while praying through yes is that maybe the values I measure all things against need to be soft to God’s heart, willing to be transformed, eager to reflect what He desires for me. I actually think I have good values, and my decisions flow from good intentions toward others and my family. But I wonder if my good intentions often trump discerning God’s will for the way I invest my resources of time, money, energy, {and especially my love and grace} in the people {and activities, places and things} I value.

Just because I’m doing good things, doesn’t mean I’m doing the things God has called me to.

Living yes back to God requires discerning, and discerning is like a lost art, something we’ve forgotten how to do, a discipline we really don’t have time for. Because it takes slowing down. Listening. Hearing. Patiently waiting. Receiving from the Lord. And responding in faithfulness.

Discernment is different than decision-making. Decisions involve formulating a choice between two or more options, based on a set of values in that given moment. You might make the decision based on time limits or budget constraints or relational benefits or minimizing risk or maximizing fun. In so many of our choices, this way of deciding is totally appropriate.

But there is a time when our decisions require more thought. Prayer. And I don’t just mean the big decisions. I also mean the little daily choices that direct our parenting, that choose who we spend time with, that form the words we speak to people.

For discernment is seeking the living and active God, present in all we do; and entrusting Him with the choices before us, believing He will reveal a way forward. Discernment flows from wisdom and values that emerge from God’s eternal will and his intentions for this season of our life.

Much. More. Complicated.

That’s because discernment puts you in partnership with God, and will more often bring about change, than mere decision-making. The character of God changes not, but as His people transform and the activity of creation ebbs and flows in and out of relationship with the Creator, God’s love is expressed and received differently. The way to His eternal will is always through Jesus, but this Good News is living and active {just like the God who sent it}….and anything living and active changes and transforms as it breathes life and love. This means that the way God calls His disciples to live faithfully and minister in a changing world….may also change and shift according to His purposes right now.

This understanding compels me to evaluate just how “living and active” I am. Do I discern a set of values at one point in my life and live forever into them? Or do I continually seek the Lord and His creative intentions in and through me? Am I willing to step out of the discerned place He currently has me in, to walk faithfully into a new place within His will?

Saying yes back to God means being willing to be shaped…and then re-shaped. It means the possible abandonment of good things in order to say yes to a new good thing God places before you.

Just because God has revealed at one point that you need to make decisions based on financial frugality, doesn’t mean He won’t one day intend for you to take some economic risks. Or just because you’ve faithfully placed your family as your first priority, doesn’t mean God won’t ask you to sacrifice that precious time in behalf of someone in need. Or just because you’ve never felt “called” to a particular something {like full-time ministry, adoption, missions, motherhood}, doesn’t mean God won’t ever place it before you to say yes to.

We have a thousand and more yesses and no’s on our tongue. May God teach us how to discern, how to listen to Him, how to commit our resources, how to say no to things that hinder, and how to live yes back to His enfleshed yes to us.