Yes!

It’s been two years since the Lord sung her name to me. The story has yet to turn a page, but I couldn’t help revisit the moment as I entered into my sacred week of hunger, of looking backward and forward with clarity and vision. At the beginning of each year I commit to a week of fasting. No food. Rather, I feast on God’s sustaining grace and find myself fully satisfied in His presence, in the way He always meets me in my hunger, in my seeking. And yet, after ten years of this discipline, ten years of His faithfulness, I’m still a little surprised that He shows up. That I ask specific questions, and He actually answers them. That I wonder about what’s to come, and He gives me glimpses.

He is good.

In my reflection of the past year, I realized my eyes and heart had conflicting perspectives. My eyes smile at 2013 and remember it as another good year of life and family and community.

It started with a weekend with this girl before she flew back to Uganda and fell in love.

And we threw a party and learned about boundaries and how sometimes they’re hospitable to self, but hurtful to others.

And we met our sweet niece for the very first time.

And we discovered nature a little closer.

And we doubled our treasured ladies who bring us delicious eggs.

We started growing things.

And we learned to love green smoothies.

We raised two sister pigs, delighted in the life they brought to our little farm, said goodbye and remain thankful for their provision.

And we made faces like this because we attended a 20 year reunion.

We reunited with special friends.

And we rejoiced when my soul sisters were in the same place at the same time.

 And we carried on traditions.

We had special days with friends like this one, where we drove 3 hours to Lake Michigan and sat in the warm sun until it faded, just talking and laughing and eating.

We celebrated fifteen years of marriage at the ocean, with slow and playful days with our children.

And we experienced the gift of virtual friends becoming real friends. {Check out her story}

We started a new rhythm to our day by starting each school morning with worship, as we sought to be more like Jesus.

We learned and grew in our work ethic, partnering with God in redeeming the land and loving creation.

And we made a little girl dream come true.

And we talked about welcoming God into our present realities.

It was a good year, and I am thankful.

But when I peek back with my heart, when I peal off the pretty images and see beyond the beautiful people we celebrated the year with, 2013 feels like a hard year of growing, stretching and trusting. I welcomed the Lord to press into me with the word surrender and, with resistance and hesitant faith, He changed me to reflect a little bit more of Him. Through my prayers. Through the waiting. Through the vulnerability. Through the letting go. And I struggle not to define a whole year of life by one ending moment of loss.

But I can say with confidence that there is greater freedom in trusting what you value most to the creative intentions of the Father….instead of controlling them according to your will.

There is joy in the surrender of self and the embrace of God.

Within moments of starting my 2014 fast, the Lord revealed, through scripture, a new word for me to pray through. It’s just a little word, but it accomplishes mighty things. It welcomes God to work through you. It takes hands and feet into service. It delights the child. It honors a husband. It grows a family. It expands minds and hearts. It broadens communities. It makes room for the restoration of self. All this, from lips speaking one itty bitty powerful word: Yes.

Yes!

The Lord quickly confirmed {and re-confirmed} this new word, per my request {I’m high maintenance like that}. And the rest of my week I’ve been anticipating my year of little and big yeses, wondering how they will shape me, where they will take me, and how God will create through them. Truly, it’s an honor to say yes to a God who has already said yes to me. And the longing in my heart can’t help but hope that Jesus takes my yes from two years ago and fulfills what He has promised to do through it.

May this year bring life to all of us. May it draw us closer to the Father as we experience Him fresh, in new days, new people, new experiences. And witness Him new in the places and people we already love.