Everything is Permissible
….but not everything is beneficial.
I experienced a convergence of situations and truths this week. And the more I meditate on it, the more I realize just how central this teaching is to how we shape and guide our children according to the purposes of God.
I was talking deep with a friend about the thorn in his flesh and how it has him wrestling with heart issues, and feeling judged by those who claim the name of Jesus. The question he asked was do you think it’s wrong?
It’s a familiar question to most of us. We can’t help but compartmentalize nearly everything…and everyone. The behavior is either right, or wrong. The opinion is either right or wrong. The decision is either right or wrong. Unfortunately, the church has nearly paved the way in the forming of these boxes. We teach the gospel like a set of rules. Those who follow them {or at least try…or say they do} are the right ones. And everything they believe in politically, emotionally and spiritually is also right. But if you don’t follow those rules…well, then you’re wrong. And so is nearly everything you align yourself with.
This teaching is not gospel. For the gospel isn’t a telling of right and wrong. Rather, it’s a story of the One who makes right all that is wrong.
I told my friend I wasn’t going to answer his question. Instead, I had for him another question. A question of greater significance. A question that might actually move him in a positive direction.
Do you think this is what God wants for you? For this is what matters most. And if you’re not sure of the answer then ask these questions: Does it restore your brokenness? Does it make you more whole? Does it draw you closer to God? Does it bring Him glory? Does it unite you to a community? Is it fruitful? Creative? Life producing?
These are the questions worth asking, worth exploring, worth seeking.
Soon after this conversation, I sent my oldest son off to camp. Leading up to his departure, I reminded him that he would be making a lot of decisions outside of his normal covering of parental wisdom and grace. He would be responsible for his speech and interactions. He would be independent in his choices and relationships. I told him to use one question as his accountability when considering his words and actions: Is it fruitful? — does it produce life in him, his relationships, in other people? He kind of rolled his eyes, but that’s what teenage boys do when their mothers love through wisdom.
With every word and act, we have a choice. We can either create or deconstruct within the world and people around us. And I want my children to be creators, co-creators with God — in their own life and in the lives of those around them. Even with the earth, and all that’s entrusted to us.
I want this more than I want my children to be right.
A day before camp was to begin, I learned that the theme for the week was based on the truth we find in 1 Corinthians 10 – Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.
That’s it! I thought. That’s what I wanted my friend to know. That’s what I was trying to tell Luke. The choice is ours. Ultimately, we can act how we want, love who we want, say what we want, decide how we relate. EVERYTHING is permissible. Because God made it that way. Made US that way. He wants his created children to make choices, to freely live. And what he really wants for his children is life, life in abundance.
Instead of discerning what God intends for us — his good will and the life giving opportunities he puts before us — we choose according to the ways of our flesh. And suddenly the very creative design intended for freedom, actually leads to captivity. Brokenness. Heartache. And Death. Choosing according to what feels “right” or safe or deciding according to our best interest is how the world teaches us to live. But when we live according to the Spirit, we will experience life, the abundant life God desires for us.
Instead of telling my children what is right and wrong, I hope I spend more time pointing to what gives life. Praying that they choose it. And helping them restore when they choose otherwise.
