Kneading to Connect {with Dad}
Here’s the boy who struggles to believe in himself. Isn’t he cute? We think he’s wonderful!
He loves deep. So deep that it hurts himself sometimes. He’s passionate about people, and tender toward the needs and feelings of others. Connor’s been working on his insecurities since young boyhood. He has this keen insight into his own self and from a young age he’s been able to articulate his feelings and openly share them. I can’t wait to see what God does with this gift!
Well, after the little “you can’t rap as good as me” incident, Mark sensed a need for his boy’s heart. It’s not to be the best at something. It’s not to be better than his brother. What Connor really needs is to feel loved and valued for who he is. Isn’t that what we all need?
And the way we experience this is through genuine connections with our Creator and other human beings.
Connor’s insecurities reveal that he isn’t fully convinced he is fearfully and wonderfully made by God. That somehow along the way he’s believed the lie that he’s not as good as others. That he hasn’t found his niche and maybe it’s because he isn’t good at things.
A boy’s identity is significantly influenced by the way his father values him. (In a world where brokenness and sinfulness leave many children without a father, we find hope in our Heavenly Father, who makes provisions and heals the spiritual, emotional and physical deficiencies created by this reality).
Mark has been a deeply involved, attentive father since the time our children were born. When the boys were toddlers, he started taking them camping. When they were little boys he took them to discover an island on the Nile River. And when they were old enough to carry a pack, he hiked them up mountains. There is a close relationship between this father’s heart and his boys. However, like all human relationships, there are imperfections that are felt deep. The hard reality for Connor is that his older brother is the one who looks like dad, and who’s abilities and interests automatically synch with dad’s.
You mama’s and daddy’s out there, have you experienced this? The easy connection with a particular child because they are a little you? There’s little effort needed to understand their choices or the depths of their heart because their spirit was born of yours. It’s not better than what you have with the children you sometimes struggle to understand. It’s just different and maybe a little easier.
Connor knows this. He knows that the relationship between Dad and Luke comes with greater ease. We didn’t have to tell him. Children see and feel these things long before we even realize they do.
And these issues don’t get swept under a rug at our house. We talk about them openly. We leave them exposed for Grace to redeem and Truth to teach.
Mark’s deep love for Connor chases after his insecurities. You see, even though Connor and Mark look and behave differently, their emotional beings are very similar. And since it seems to matter, we started pointing that out. You’re just like Dad that way we’ll tell him. He smiles every time.
And with even greater effort, Mark pursues the connection his son needs with him. And he gives him the only thing that really matters: time. Time that is just his. An activity that is just theirs.
Here’s what they chose
We’re a bread loving, bread eating family. But Connor especially enjoys his bread. So together they mix and knead and wait for the rise. And as the yeast activates the dough, the time together leavens their relationship and expands their heart connection.
Time. It’s what good bread and good relationships both need.
And they sat to break bread together, a simple activity which has been connecting people since the beginning of time.
They plan to make this a weekly tradition. (And I plan to gain a few pounds!)
May God give us the vision to recognize the insecurities of others. To discern how to respond in love. How to affirm through grace. How to take the time to value God’s creative work in those around you. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made by the breath and spirit of God. Let us treat ourselves and one another as if we believe that.
