I don’t know how to wait.
For a process to be complete. For my children to finally appreciate me. For my husband to finish his projects. For the quiet to still me. For a long walk to calm me. For your word to dwell in me. For your will to be known to me.
Sure, I survive the time. And at the fruition of most things I can gaze back and appreciate. But in the middle of the moments and at the center of my waiting is impatience.
Instead of anticipating in faith, I get restless in my vulnerability. Instead of submitting to the moments, I cling tighter to any sense of control. Instead of finding joy in the journey, I long for the destination.
I think it’s because the clock seems to be the center of this time and place. Not you.
We tick around and around passing the minutes and hours in a rhythm mesmerizing to our need for predictability and control. In circles we travel with no need to wait. Because one thing takes us to another and another….. until we check off our lists and satisfy our responsibilities.
And then we repeat it all the next day. Tick. Tock.
You see, to wait means to surrender. Time. Expectations. Control. The knowing. And I’m not sure I know how to do that. Or maybe I just don’t want to.
But your timing is perfect. And your pace is to the rhythm of love. Comforting. Healing. Revealing. Redeeming. These things take time.
It’s good, then, that I trust you. That I really do put my hope in you. So I will wait upon you with confidence. I will be available to your will and vulnerable with my desires.
And in times of waiting, I will seek you. I will listen for your voice in the flames. I will watch for the pillar of cloud to lead me.
For you, oh Lord, are the worth the waiting.