It’s a Beautiful Thing {to raise up the young}
We have spent years mediating arguments between siblings – years! These children of ours are super close. Moving across the world together {where all you really have is each other}, along with years of homeschooling {spending all the hours of every day together} –knits you tight. But still, these brothers and sisters pick and poke, squabble and fight like all normal siblings. Sometimes it plays out like this: I hear yelling and angry words flying, along with evidence of physical contact….I give it a few minutes to see if they can work it out themselves….it escalates, and I get frustrated…I head to the scene ready to break ‘em apart and angrily suggest words of apology and forgiveness…by the time I get there I find them tumbling on the ground wrestling and laughing. I don’t get it. One minute our five children are accusing and blaming and tattling, the next minute they’re begging to sleep together in one room, squished on two beds. Geez, we love them!
Other times, however, we are true arbitrators. We sit between two children, listening to their frustrations and perspectives, helping both parties understand the other. We speak words of peace and reconciliation into hurt feelings and resentful spirits. We are dissolvers of intense emotions and empathic hearers of insecurity and jealousy. We love these opportunities to teach our children how to communicate with authentic words and to help them practice hearing another viewpoint.
These sibling squabbles are building for them a foundation of grace upon which to build all of their relationships, not just the brother sister ones.
But today, something very strange happened. Instead of Mark and I mediating between two siblings, we were the ones accusing, calling out a particular behavior in a particular son. It got a little heated…because you know, he’s almost a teenager and they get hot in a moments notice. The conversation was going round and round, making us all dizzy, and suddenly the big brother stepped in and began defending the accused. The husband and I exchange glances knowing this moment was somewhat special. We’ve heard them defend each other before, but this felt different. It was very intentional and passionate, without surrender. He was wholeheartedly trying to communicate another person’s perspective – not to mention the fact that it was one of his siblings! Emotions rose and I dare say I might have kept the conversation going just to enjoy the moment when the big brother was brought to tears on behalf of the younger brother. But don’t you dare tell him that! ‘Cause let’s be honest….that younger brother needed those words of his older brother more than he needed mom and dad to get off his back. Words of defense are like a gift given straight to the soul, and they tether the receiver to the giver in solidarity.
And now I know. I mean, I’ve always known. But now I really know. That when he pokes fun the way big brothers do, when he pompously puffs up his chest like a male animal to remind the younger one who is boss, when he acts nonchalant about including him…..I know that deep down inside his big brother heart he really loves his younger brother. He can’t fool us. All these years — of sharing rooms, of moving to foreign lands, of playing in the orange mud, of giving each other bloody noses, of seeing lions in the wild together, of staying up late talking, of power plays that haven’t ended well, of sharing cousins and friends, of dealing with their differences –have forged for them a relationship that is rooted in togetherness and love.
Mamas and daddies of little people, you’re in a sweet spot of toddler joys and the beginning of siblinghood. You will grieve {and delight} in watching them grow and leave those years. But there are so many great moments ahead of you. Before you know it, instead of bandaging skinned knees, you’ll be soothing wounded hearts and restoring confidence. Instead of feeding your children cheerios, you’ll be nourishing their spirits with words of truth that will build them strong. Instead of tucking them in every night with snuggles, you’ll be folding grace into them with every disobedient act and ugly word they speak. Instead of mediating quarrels over the taking of toys, you’ll be partnering with God to bring about awareness and healing in the inevitable issues of birth order, self-doubt and personality clashes.
It’s a beautiful thing to raise up the young. To empower them in their own journey. To strengthen their resilience. To soften their hearts. To model vulnerability. To expose them to reality. To empower their gifts. To equip them with truth. To bind them in love. Yeah, it’s a beautiful thing to raise up the young.
