The Only Time I Really Have is Now
[bl]O[/bl]ur family often discusses the possibility of more children. Our hearts desire to receive life into our family and home, however this looks. But we have one child that is not in favor of increasing our number. We’ve known this for a while. In fact, she wasn’t in favor of child number four….or five. But she loves them silly. Today, this child number three was able to verbalize why. Without shame, she admits she believes I would pay more attention to a new baby than I would to her.
I draw her close.
Do I do that now? I ask. Do I pay less attention to you than the others?
I already know her answer. Yes. She’s my easiest child. The patient one. The least fussy or whiny. The one that complains the least, and often helps the most. This sweet middle child rests between the two older, who require my attention in school and moral issues that take more time and energy – and the two younger, who require hours of help in toddler activity.
I’ve been sensing for a while that she needs more of me. It’s too easy to give my time to those demanding it.
I hug her tight. If you need more time from me, I will give it to you.
These hands of mine that clean, organize, wash, cook, prepare, write, hold, — how will they find more time?
One word rests on my mind. Now. You find more time now. Now is the time to be. The time to listen. To pray. To read, to love, to share. To give, to feed, to bless, to speak Truth. The only time I really have is now.
I look in her eyes. Go grab a book, get your PJs on, and meet me in my bed.
She skips away and returns with Black Beauty. But what I notice first is my Brown Beauty’s choice of pajamas. Black sweat pants and a white t-shirt – just like me. She smiles, and I know she has chosen with intention. Like twins, we climb into my bed and snuggle down for a good read. And I’m humbled that this simple gesture means so much to her.
I know the more children we have, the less one-on-one attention each child receives. But what I also know is the rich life that comes with receiving more. My one-on-one interaction is replaced with an ever present community living and struggling in faith. We are whole. And it’s too beautiful not to share it with more…
…but….not now (wink wink)!
If now is the only time we really have, what will we do with it? How will we chose to spend it? How must we live fully in it?
